What happened why i got kicked out

For months I was having problems with my brothers listening to me, my 14 yr old was not too bad he would at least have respect for my request however I believed my 16yr old brother just hated me when I spoke to him. I'm Jamaican so I may come across as making a statement instead of asking a question, we discussed how this made him feel in the past and I spoke softer to him; however I quickly realized this was not the issue as it escalated into an argument.


I started to work two jobs day and night; my life was reduced to sleeping, working and fitting in different meeting for my future such as driving lessons, transitioning and college. He (16yrs old brother) would play loud music and bring his friends over while I sleep in the day it was hard to get him to understand the effects of working two jobs. I spoke to Sharon (my mother); she told me I could not expect them to stop living their lives- I found that statement funny cause she used to work nights and she needed peace and quiet during the day, so why was this courtesy not extended to me, was it because it was not my house.

Fast forward to my birthday, it was a good day, I came out to Sharon as Transgendered and felt ready to take on my doctor and continue counselling, I only had one disappointment that day, however it was still a good day Sharon bought me a ticket to a MMA match after I suggested this is what she could get me-you would think your parents know what to give you.

Fast forward again to Sunday 11th of October at 9:30pm, ready for bed my brothers were still playing x-box and making noise, I asked Sharon to speak to them and she lays in bed, picks up her mobile and calls my brother in the adjacent room-talk about lazy! my brothers continued to make noise so I went on the sofa downstairs to try and get some sleep, the noise continued as I get angrier, they stomp on the floor- I looked at the clock and its almost 11pm, I have work in the morning, they have school and I can't sleep, are they trying to drive me crazy. I march upstairs and in to my brother’s bedroom "this is really unfair" I said, they both had little grins on their faces, some of you are thinking 'oh there are just kids'-but I see kids with no respect and a mother who’s in bed and gives a rat’s ass-no wonder they are so spoiled. I made my way into shoran’s bedroom and pleaded with her to get out of bed and speak to them cause I could not get any sleep with all the noise, I was told to sleep on the floor downstairs and not to disturb her sleep, I became furious and told her If I went in there to talk to them I would end up breaking stuff, so she should get out of bed and speak to them-well she got out of bed alright, but to kick me out of her room, she sad I was trouble and went outside to take a walk, my lovely 16yr old brother said bye to me-that broke my heart-cause I realized they did want me gone- all of them, after a year with them they wanted me out. After screaming at him and throwing some stones at the window I went off into the dark.

I came back to find the door closed, and Sharon’s father there telling me if her daughter wants me out then she wants me out-at least she has someone to be there for her. Sharon had already packed up my closet in black plastic bin liners and told me to get the rest. I received no help from my local council because apparently I had a part time job and was not pregnant so I could ruff it on the road and the policed said they were not responsible for homeless people.

This is getting long and I have too many distraction around me to piece this together, so to cut long story short, I had to come to another city quit my jobs to get some help after three nights of being homeless, Sharon only asked for her key and when my clothes were being removed, it’s funny cause her ex-fiancé has a key still and she still treats him well, unlike me who she envies. She told me this on day after I became upset with her for embarassing me in fornt of famliy members, it made sense whem she told, I just thought she would get over it.

My Trans group has started to help me and hopefully I will be back on my feet soon-next year is the year of the Tiger, It should be my year hopefully.

A new step

As a child you know if you are born with an illness, its apart of your life, it sometimes hurt; however you are more able to be optimistic. Being an adult when a new event hits you between the eyes we are sometimes devastated, not because we are more or less able to cope, but because we have lived our lives knowing this is the way it has been for so long and now it has changed. For example a child born blind never knows what it is like to see so will never miss it, however a young person losing his sight will surly need emotional support.

The point is I sometimes wish I was able to start being me when I was younger, my girlfriend calls me 'HE', 'HIM' and 'MR.', it feels good, but I know it was not always this way so I sometimes feel conscious, none the less I feel its great to be acknowledged as Mr. *******.

I woke up this morning feeling depressed, being in a women's hostel, feeling family-less, confused about housing, wanting to start treatment, I really just wanted to talk to my counsellor, he could help I thought.

I went in to my appointment an hour early and spoke to a member of staff at gender matters they helped me out by making phone calls and possibly will get me into a trans friendly hostel closer to my support group, training and my old job, life would somewhat go back to a bit of normality- it’s what is best for me right now I think. I regret not going to them in the first place.

My blogs are like my mind very scattered and it could be the noise around me as well, I can barely concentrated in my writer's world...loll.

Until next time then

Kicked Out

What is LOVE, was this not suppose to be unconditional, i remember learning love from your famliy will never fade-so what the fuck happened to mine! its sad really, not all families are close, some are like strangers.

I was turned out into the cold on 11 pm October 11,2009, a cry for help turned into a scream of frustration, anger and pain oh i cannot describe this pain, it hurts me so much i thought i would die, i curled on the cold grass in wolverhampton and cried to my friend on the phone, words could not escape my lips what did i do to deserve such a fate, was this the way my life is suppuse to be -familyless- for four nights i went back and forth trying to get help from the goverment and non was given to me cause i worked a part time job and i was not on benifits "well i'm sorry there is nothing we can do" i kept getting the same words no matter where i went, i decided i should try birmingham a bigger city with different rules after trying for a day i finally got my answer, it was a nieghborhood office in Lozels, they helped me really quickly i was so greatfull for someone just to listen by midday on thursday they had me in a hostel- i could rest.

I had to give up my jobs in wolverhampton due to the fact it was just too far and it seemed birmingham had more hope for me than wolverhampton, maybe this is a blessing in disguse-maybe.

I wont lie i am afread of what the future holds for me i have been in this sitution before, however never felt afread cause i was on home land, this country is still new to me with lots of ugly as well as bueaty.

My friends have always been my family, i was told this is so because unlike my family i can choose my friends

One Year

Wow i really have to rush as the bloody computer is broken at home and i have 15 mins to write this.

Its been one year in the UK, I came thinking i could just look around see what I like, then go back to jamaica after a month and decide what i want to do after, nothing of the sort happened. Reality came and gave me a cold visit, I was told i could not recieve government help cause i was not in the country for three years, then i could not go to school unless i paid £5000, I was devastated to say the least, I felt like I left a great life for this shit country, what a hell hole I thought.

I came in september and by december I owed my mom nearly £300 for running up the phone bill, so i had to spend the little money i had earned from working at a supermarket chain.

I'll have to tell you more about my past year in details another time, however the piont is i have had more goods than bads being here, i have discovered myself and a great support family, I now have two jobs, will start school in march and i'm learning to drive ALL in one year WOW!!! i'm really proud of myself.

Tomorrow is my birthday, I bought myself a ipod nano for £120 this would have cost me $14400JA money which is hard to come by and even if you have, there are bills to pay. I feel great full for being able to travel and purchase things simply because i like it without thinking about the money. Most british people I find have no idea how previlege there are to simply be able to travel home safe and drunk lol.

hmmm but when I have more time i'll let you know how my birthday went, untill next time

cheers!!! :)