Changing Me or the Transman in me

The year is almost over- up, down, under and where ever else I've ventured over the past months have not been done without drawing my lessons- from the joys of the first snow flake in January to working two jobs towards the summer to having a fantastic summer with a mystery woman to being Kicked out in October to being almost depressed and finially to being Me- Romario. Yes Indeed I have had a great year for it just proved to me how strong i am, at almost every abstacle I gained or lost a friend. Still they served thier purpose i believe.

On Thursday I officially change my name, most trans persons don't need to think twice about changing thier name,for me this was not the case. There is nothing in my childhood which makes me resent the "being a female" I've always seen myself as male, having a gender nutral name and look reinforced this, men in jamaica didn't really care much from what i gathered they wanted to learn the skill of chatting up women from me- i can only remember one male proving to be threathening because i wore male colthing, I was still in high school at the time and often said he would shoot me the next time he saw me dressing like that, thankfully i never really saw much of him after that due to a prison sentence.

The point is I had a hard time changing, I saw it as accepting my trans status indicating i was not normal and for me I was normal so why change my name and cut my hair. Back and forth I went about it for three months in deep thought about who am I and if changing one's name really ment they were a new person. In the end I decided to embrace the change, symboling my growth into manhood, I told my councellor it's like cutting that sixty's hair stlye lol. It's doesn't feel like i'm letting go of who I was, it feels more like i'm maturing into a grown man.

So my advice for anyone dealing with changing something of them selves be it negative or positive, ask your self what does this change respresent to me? and I'm I fliud enough to accept this change? and finially and I really changing anything or am I just growing?

Merry Christmas soon ;)